Tuesday, February 7, 2012


So clearly, it has been some time since I’ve written here on this blog.  I have heard myself say many times in the past ten years… “life just gets in the way.”  I’ve used those words as an excuse for a number of things… not keeping up with friends and family, not taking care of myself, not taking time to do the things I’d like to do most.  But the past 6 months (has it really been that long??) have given an all new meaning to life gets in the way.

At the risk of boring everyone who reads to tears… I will give a short and condensed version of the events of the past few months:

  • Jeff’s dad needed major heart surgery to replace one valve and repair another at the beginning of September – he was in the hospital till mid October with many complications
  • My dad needed surgery to open his severely blocked carotid artery in September as well (the day I was supposed to fly to California for a conference – thank you Delta for accommodating my flight changes)
  • I went to San Francisco for that conference and it was hot and I walked too much and I learned travelling at 32 weeks pregnant it just too much
  • I found out my job was being restructured and I would have to reapply for my position in December – while I was on maternity leave
  • Jeff’s dad finally came home from the hospital
  • Lily turned 2 on October 11th and I threw a party for her – 9 months pregnant – I fell asleep in the middle of it
  • Jeff found out through some xrays that led to MRIs that he has severe spinal stenosis and that we would need to consult a neurosurgeon about options
  • We met with a neurosurgeon only to be told there is nothing we can do to fix it and please avoid any and all trauma to your back – we were referred to U of M for a second opinion (still waiting on that)
  • Two days later I had a csection (instead of the normal labor I had planned) and delivered our beautiful, healthy little Gracie Belle
  • Three days after Christmas, we were told Jeff’s white and red blood counts were low and that we would need to consult with an oncologist
  • January 9th, we met with an oncologist who gave us peace of mind that we need not worry about Jeff’s levels and to have them tested again in a year
  • I found out I get to keep my job

Throughout all of this, I have been wanting to blog about it, wanting to get it all out there.  But where do you start when things just keep piling up?  Where do you begin to talk about all of this?  It felt overwhelming.  For the longest time it felt like a little black storm cloud had just settled itself over our home. So I just kept procrastinating… it’s what I do.  But I’m done.  Things are turning around.  Jeff’s dad is doing much better.  It’s been a long road, but he is feeling better and they are watching the girls again.  My dad is doing great.  Much more energy since the surgery and is getting around a bit better.  Gracie has been the easiest, most wonderful baby ever.  I had a short maternity leave and on the night before I went back to work she decided to start sleeping through the night.  We haven’t been up with her once during the night since.  She sleeps for 8 hours straight.  I love her.  Lily is an obstinate toddler… but she surprised me with Gracie.  She isn’t jealous and she loves her sister.  And – it took two days to potty train her.  Yes, I said 2 days.  I couldn’t believe it either.

As for Jeff, we are waiting to get our appointment with U of M.  But whatever we have to do, we will and we will get through it.  There are few things that scare you more than being told you (or your spouse) need to meet with an oncologist… and oh, by the way, wait two weeks to see him.  Your mind goes to a million horrible places.  You try to be strong and you try go on with your day to day tasks and work without getting distracted by the “what ifs.”  Sometimes you do a really good job of not thinking about it and other times it hits you like a brick wall.  But when you walk out of that oncologist’s office after being told you don’t need to come back any time soon if not ever again, you look around.  You see all the people who don’t get to hear those words.  You say a prayer for them and you say a quiet thank you.  And you go have a martini to celebrate. 

Over the past couple of weeks, I feel like that cloud has started to dissipate.  There may even be some sunlight starting to shine.  The past six months have challenged me to keep perspective.  To remember that even through all this stress, things are not that bad.  They are not more than I can handle and they will get better.  They are getting better.  The irony of my last blog post does not escape me.  There is exactly enough time for the important things in life.  Now to catch up on all those blogs I meant to write…

ps – Thank you to those that have listened and been there with a hug or a glass bottle of wine.  It means more than you know and I am so very grateful.


  1. Truly, this is more than any one human being should EVER have to endure -- especially whilst 9 months pregnant and/or taking care of a newborn.

    You are a pillar of strength and an inspiration.

    And you DESERVE a baby who sleeps in 8 hour stretches and a toddler who was potty-trained in 2 days.

    I mean, for real.

    Glad your back to the blog... but don't lose heart if you don't have a ton of time for it again... we'll always be here!

  2. List it the list...the list that you might find in the dictionary when you look up "emotional roller coaster." You definitely are strong and hope you can feel the prayers.

    We are here for you! That bottle of wine was fun too. Must do that again soon.

    XOXOXO - Thinking always of you, Jeff, Lily, and Gracie.


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